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Read Zach’s New Short Story “Cyberstalking My High School Crush.”
Like most of us, I have Googled ex-girlfriends from high school and college to see what they look like now. I’ve found most of them online, to no immediate fanfare – (Other than finding out one girl I...
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Read Zach’s new short story: “Someone Gave me a Fleshlight and it Changed my...
*Warning – the following story contains sexually graphic and disgusting situations My wife recently bought a $300 vibrator. It’s called a stingray. It pulsates. It’s waterproof. And it does everything...
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Read Zach’s New Short Story: “I Told My Brother I Believe That Aliens Created...
I spent 30 minutes yesterday explaining to my brother that a deep part of me believes in the theory that our entire human race is the result of aliens coming down and impregnating chimpanzees with...
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Read Zach’s New Short Story: “I Could Have F#*%ed One of My Teachers in High...
I could have fucked one of my teachers back in high school. I didn’t. But I could have. She was into me… She told me I made her ‘quiver…’ She said I looked like a movie star. She tried to kiss me. This...
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Read Zach’s New Short Story –“My Son and I Ran Into the Playmate I Slept with...
In the late 90’s I was lucky enough to sleep with a Playboy Centerfold. For the sake of this story, let’s call her “Miss July.” She wasn’t the current centerfold by any means, in fact her issue had...
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Facial Tattoos, Needles and the Homeless! Welcome to Raising Kids in Hollywood…
This morning I drove past two skinny homeless men with multiple missing teeth who were smoking cigarettes before nearly running over a mangy stray dog panting in the street. I made a left turn at the...
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Surviving a Cruise Ship with no Booze, no Internet and a Two-Star Restaurant…
48 hours into a nine-day cruise on the Baltic Sea, I successfully traded a first season DVD of the TV show SMILF for a bottle of French wine. Confused? About two weeks ago, my friend Dan asked me to...
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Five Guys from Germany, 1000 Cigarettes and Sink Pubes: My AIR BNB Nightmare
My wife and I received an Air BNB request online two weeks ago… It read as follows: We’re five guys from Germany who don’t do drugs. We are excited to visit LA and really enjoy clubs and West...
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GENTLEMAN PIRATES IN HANDCUFFS – A SPRING BREAK ADVENTURE…
THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCERPT FROM THE PRIVATE JOURNAL OF ZACH SELWYN MARCH 12, 1996 SOMEHOW, WE’RE ON A PLANE TO MIAMI… Woah daddy… I am lucky to not be in jail right now. It is 9 o’clock at night in...
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“The Story of the Hippie Girl I Dated in 1994 Who Went on a “Toilet Paper...
Back in 1994, just three weeks into a relationship that I swore would last forever, my hippie Phish-loving girlfriend “Rainbeaux” announced that she was, “giving up toilet paper” as a way to preserve...
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